The Jeff Foster

Intro: Jeff Foster don't give no damns....

Photos by John Simmons

Name?
My government name would be JeffErey Todd Foster The 1st. Dad filled out my birth certificate …extra E. Our little malfunctioning spelling gene. I cant give you any gang info. In French I was Bernard..because He wouldn’t give in Geoffrey being Jeff. I’ve been disillusioned with our socialist education system since. Compounded the day I saw mentaly challenged kids (late teens) making out/fist fighting in sixth grade.

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Place of birth?

Haslet, MI well that’s where I lived after the “moment”. Sparrowhead Hospital in Lansing..we chased the Florida dream five years later.

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Place you live now?

Slumbering Alpharetta, Georgia..think it means number one town in latin or greek. Some ego shit going on I’m sure. Georgia for our former king I suppose. Sealed in po’ white trashedness with a juicy Atlantan core. Kind of like Berlin in Soviet era East Germany.

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What is your family like?

Awesome…supportive of flatland. Sisters a dope ass dancer…not the stripper titty bar type. Other sis number one soccer mom with gifted kids that I think have telekinetic powers. Dads got love, moms got love. Mom beat cancer. Dad beat heart attacks. I miss my three cats I had for about 12 years. Love my Edith to the core…not in a methed out eat the heart kind of way…just normal love. Hugs, good food and sex. I cry at movies but I don’t own sandals.

Explain what a normal day in your life is like.

Wake up from a terribly strobed sporatic sleep which consists of several “props” I use to contort my back various ways undoing dehydration mixed with flat. Smoke a drink some coffee. Normal shower stuff. Coffee till nausea sets in…eat some free bagels. Go to work at the not quite so empirial not quite so glamorous corporate job I have. FB it…GF it some online. Play about fifty games of world wars on this game site. Go home smoke a go ride smoke a maybe a beer? ride some more. Go home to my domestic master Edith. Toy with some records and a beat maybe. Have a wonderful meal. Have a little beverage ..watch some flic. Maybe a game on my advanced PS2 gaming system. Bed time, battle with the back.

What types of beverages to you enjoy?

Depends on cash flow….low flow look for highest % in relation to price and weight. They have these fish tank sized wines with available Math/home economics info posted right next to them at kroger. With budget im on the tap or green bottles at home. I’m kind of on a liquor kick lately. wild crazy girl on spring break with cowboy hat on in bikini drinking anything from jagermeister to clear’s. E&J one of my favs. Im not allowed to drink tequila anymore.

If there was a fight between the ATL crew and the Athens riders. Like hand to hand combat. No weapons at all. Who would you go after first?

Who ever was on fire already. Is fire a weapon?

If The Duke and G-Unit where to have a cross country race in a 1980 Chrysler Cordoba who do you think would win?

Duke, no doubt…mechanic skills. Plus I think Duke can take a bullet or two…I think he has. Plus the G-Units Cordobe would have some 38’s on it…which I think would slow them down…or maybe it’d make them faster. I don’t know the answer to this physics. Plus I don’t know across which country or terrain…which is important info. Can I go?

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What do you like to eat for breakfest?

Bagels…coffee. Free shit. Breakfast is important.

What tunes are good right now?

I’m kind of on some Bill Withers old shit. Always hip hop, love 90’s sounding stuff still. Love sampled gritty production. Funny I like elctronic music. I hate electronic produced hip hop but then I love hip hop that samples electronic music. Not Kanye or Ti.

You live in Atlalanta. Lots of fucking traffic. How much time and how many miles do you put on your car per week?

Dunno..I live fifteen minutes from work. However I live thirty minutes from the better rain free riding spots. My guess 500’ish in my lavish hordish Cabrio in stately black. I like to chill with Hot Rod. He lives a good forty miles from me. Nothing happens in alpharetta. They have this beeper thing that turns on and everyone falls asleep at 9pm.

Why does the ATL crew stick together?

The riding spots only twenty feet wide and is a homeless person oasis. Atlanta homeless people arent out of shape. Not tattered and dusty. We have those to…but lots more stage one homeless with fly kicks on.

Favorite people to ride with?

Not in order of importance, fun, quality of buds, or ascending alphanumerics but all surelys relavent. Hot rod, blind, Duke, the straw, john , billy, Bottle from san fran, Daniel, Roman, Rick, Shayne K. , Darin W , Darren H, Stewart, you, brandon Ryan if he’d come out, alexis la grassa affectionatly known as frenchy,I miss some folks to… Darryl Johnson, Travis Tomko, Kevin Brown, Mark Parado and Greg Griffis. Mitch even.

Any trash taking you want to get off your chest?

I don’t realy belive in talking trash on-line. I think its immature a waste of time and I’m more spiritual than that. I just want my inner bastard bird to be free. Everything that can possibly be said has been. Ya know… I honestly think the internet will make me insane and has.

Any last words? Shot outs and what not... Be careful what you say this is the internet you know...

I think crankless is the future that’s now but too late already. Time don’t exist. Socialism is key to getting us to the moon for helium three which is key to human survivalability so we can get to mars transcend planetary systems and one day maybe bid for godship if we can survive the implosion of time and space which already happened so its true.

You cant prove any god damned thing.

Its over the day you register with Vintage BMX.

Flatlanders are all fucked in the head and that’s why I love them.

Jeff Foster atlflat sessions remix from atlflatlander on Vimeo.